Post em if u got em

[DSGGEN2]

Bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods, the bear asks the rabbit "do u have problems getting shit out your fur," the rabbit says "nope" the bear grabs the rabbit n wipes his ass.

[KRYPTONITE]

lmao

[DSGGEN2]

Lil old man turning 100 hears his doorbell ring he answers the door and this girl butt ass naked in a trench coat wipe open says "i'm her to give u super sex" the old man replies "i'll take the soup"

[DSGGEN2]

come on I kno some of u fellas got somethin for me to laugh at.

[Matts94Z28]

A guy dies whilst making love to his wife. A few days later the undertaker calls her and says, "Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?" The wife replies, "Cut it off and shove it up his arse!" The undertaker does as he is told. On the day of the funeral the wife visits her husband for the last time and sees a tear rolling down his face, so she whispers in his ear, "It fucking hurts doesn't it!"

[chrisheltra]

Theres two muffins in the oven......

One turns to the other and says "Its hot in here."

The other one says "Holy shit its a talking muffin!'"

[DSGGEN2]

A guy dies whilst making love to his wife. A few days later the undertaker calls her and says, "Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?" The wife replies, "Cut it off and shove it up his arse!" The undertaker does as he is told. On the day of the funeral the wife visits her husband for the last time and sees a tear rolling down his face, so she whispers in his ear, "It fucking hurts doesn't it!"

:hysterical:

[MonteC]

It only hurts if you go too fast, right carl?

[gearmesh, inc.]

Two condoms were walking by the gay bar. One says to the other "Hey, how about lets go in and get shit faced!".

[Smith Bros. Racing]

A tough looking group of bikers were riding
when they saw a woman about to jump off a bridge,
so they stopped.
The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to commit suicide," she says.

While he didn't want to appear insensitive, he didn't wantto miss an opportunity either,
so he asked... "Well, before you jump why don't you give me a kiss?"
So she does... And it was a long, deep, passionate, lingering kiss.

After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I've ever had! That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why in the world would you want to commit suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl........".
The authorities think she may have been pushed.

[Carlrx7]

It only hurts if you go too fast, right carl?

My retaliation comment would crush you.

[Smith Bros. Racing]

Charlie's wife, Lucy, had been after him for
several weeks to paint the seat on their toilet.
Finally, he got around to doing it while Lucy
was out. After finishing, he left to take care of
another matter before she returned.

She came in and undressed to take a shower.
Before getting in the shower, she sat on the
toilet. As she tried to stand up, she realized
that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued
her to the toilet seat.

About that time, Charlie got home and
realized her predicament.

They both pushed and pulled without any
success whatsoever. Finally, in desperation,
Charlie undid the toilet seat bolts.
Lucy wrapped a sheet around herself and
Charlie drove her to the hospital emergency
room.

The ER Doctor got her into a position where
he could study how to free her (Try to get a
mental picture of this).
Lucy tried to lighten the embarrassment of it
all by saying, "Well, Doctor, I'll bet you've
never seen anything like this before."

The Doctor replied, "Actually, I've seen lots
of them......
I just never saw one mounted and framed."

[Smith Bros. Racing]

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where a family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.


'I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news,' he said as he surveyed the worried faces. 'The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky, but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the BRAIN.'


The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a time, someone asked, 'How much will a brain cost?'

The doctor quickly responded, '$5,000 for a Democrat's brain; $200 for a Republican's brain.'

The moment turned awkward. Some of the Democrats actually had to 'try' to not smile, avoiding eye contact with the Republicans. A man unable to control his curiosity, finally blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, 'Why is the Democrats brain so much more than a Republicans brain?'

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, 'It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to price the Republicans' brains a lot lower because they're used."

SEND THIS TO A SMART Republican WHO NEEDS A LAUGH, AND TO ANY Democrat WHOM YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT!

[Smith Bros. Racing]

A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's after midnight. While en route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspects his wife is having an affair, and he wants to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agrees.

Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tip-toe into the bedroom. The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back, and there is his wife in bed with another man!

The husband puts a gun to the naked man's head. The wife shouts, "Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money. HE paid for the Corvette I gave you HE paid for our new cabin cruiser. HE paid for your season Pittsburgh Steelers tickets. HE paid for our house at the lake. HE paid for our country club membership, and HE even pays the monthly dues!"
Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun. He looks over at the cabby and says "What would you do?"

The cabby replies, "I'd cover his ass with that blanket before he catches cold."

[MonteC]

My retaliation comment would crush you.

Probably not. Not much is gonna make me cry.

Sorry Carl, I couldnt let that joke opportunity pass by!

[Smith Bros. Racing]

What is the smallest caliber you trust to protect yourself?

The best answer:
My personal favorite defense gun has always been a Beretta Jetfire in 22 short. I have carried it for many years including while hiking. I never leave without it in my pocket. Of course the first rule when hiking in the wilderness is to use the "Buddy System". This it means you NEVER hike alone, you bring a friend, companion or even family because if something happens there is someone to go get help.

I remember one time while hiking with my sister in northern Alberta out of nowhere came this huge brown bear charging us and was she mad. We must have been near one of her cubs.

Anyway, if I had not had my little Jetfire I would not be here today. Just one shot to my sister's knee cap and I was able to escape by just walking at a brisk pace.

That's one of the best pistols in my collection...

[LXtasy]

Carl and Case

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFqhPaSL79I

[DSGGEN2]

A tough looking group of bikers were riding
when they saw a woman about to jump off a bridge,
so they stopped.
The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to commit suicide," she says.

While he didn't want to appear insensitive, he didn't wantto miss an opportunity either,
so he asked... "Well, before you jump why don't you give me a kiss?"
So she does... And it was a long, deep, passionate, lingering kiss.

After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I've ever had! That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why in the world would you want to commit suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl........".
The authorities think she may have been pushed.

That happened to Chris

[DSGGEN2]

Charlie's wife, Lucy, had been after him for
several weeks to paint the seat on their toilet.
Finally, he got around to doing it while Lucy
was out. After finishing, he left to take care of
another matter before she returned.

She came in and undressed to take a shower.
Before getting in the shower, she sat on the
toilet. As she tried to stand up, she realized
that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued
her to the toilet seat.

About that time, Charlie got home and
realized her predicament.

They both pushed and pulled without any
success whatsoever. Finally, in desperation,
Charlie undid the toilet seat bolts.
Lucy wrapped a sheet around herself and
Charlie drove her to the hospital emergency
room.

The ER Doctor got her into a position where
he could study how to free her (Try to get a
mental picture of this).
Lucy tried to lighten the embarrassment of it
all by saying, "Well, Doctor, I'll bet you've
never seen anything like this before."

The Doctor replied, "Actually, I've seen lots
of them......
I just never saw one mounted and framed."

:hysterical:

[chrisheltra]

That happened to Chris

More times than Id like to admit you cross dressing fag.

[DSGGEN2]

More times than Id like to admit you cross dressing fag.

It only happened once n u still offered mouth hugs

[cfcobalt]

A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's after midnight. While en route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspects his wife is having an affair, and he wants to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agrees.

Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tip-toe into the bedroom. The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back, and there is his wife in bed with another man!

The husband puts a gun to the naked man's head. The wife shouts, "Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money. HE paid for the Corvette I gave you HE paid for our new cabin cruiser. HE paid for your season Pittsburgh Steelers tickets. HE paid for our house at the lake. HE paid for our country club membership, and HE even pays the monthly dues!"
Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun. He looks over at the cabby and says "What would you do?"

The cabby replies, "I'd cover his ass with that blanket before he catches cold."

just spit water all over my screen...

[Red99T/A]

Stop me if you've heard this one. So this dyslexic guy walks into a bra...

[LXtasy]

The priest in a small Irish village had a rooster and ten hens, he kept in the hen house behind the church.

One Sunday morning, before mass, he went to feed the birds and discovered that the cock was missing.
He knew about cock fights in the village, so he questioned his parishioners in church.

During mass, he asked the congregation, ‘Has anybody got a cock? ‘
All the men stood up..
‘No, no, ‘ he said, ‘that wasn’t what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock? ‘
All the women stood up.

‘No, no, ‘ he said, ‘ that wasn’t what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn’t belong to them? ‘
Half the women stood up.

‘No, no, ‘ he said, ‘that wasn’t what I meant.
Has anybody seen MY cock?
Sixteen altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.

The priest fainted.

[Whaler]

My wife told me to go to the doctors and get some of those pills that 'help' a man get an erection.

You should have seen her face when I came back and tossed her some diet pills!

I'm still looking for a place to live.

[DSGGEN2]

My wife told me to go to the doctors and get some of those pills that 'help' a man get an erection.

You should have seen her face when I came back and tossed her some diet pills!

I'm still looking for a place to live.


Oh shit:hysterical:

[ShawnBoyMoody]

A skeleton walks into a bar. He orders a beer and a mop.