Bear Remover

[Mike]

> A man wakes up one morning in Alaska to find a bear on his roof. So he
> looks
> in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Bear Removers."
>
>
> He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30
> minutes.
> The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a
> baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.
>
>
> "What are you going to do," the homeowner asks?
>
>
> "I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go
> up
> there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the
> bear
> falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go.
> The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in
> the
> back of the van.."
>
>
> He hands the shotgun to the homeowner. "What's the shotgun for?" asks
> the
> homeowner.
>
>
> "If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."
>

[Mike]

DAMN FINE EXPLANATION

The wife came home early and found her husband in
their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.

And she was somewhat upset. 'You are a
disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife,
the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!'

And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute
love so at least I can tell you what happened.' 'Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed,'
but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'

And the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into
the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me
for a lift.. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her
and let her into the car.

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed
and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed
up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because
you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a
shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full
of holes, so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the
designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but
don't wear because you say they are too tight.

I also gave her the underwear that was your
anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for
Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots
you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has
a pair the same.'

The husband took a quick breath and continued -
'She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the
door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said,
'Please ... Do you have anything else that your
wife doesn't use?

[slow04]

:hysterical:

[Pesce Nero]

Lmao

[BigdaddyDupree]

haha

[Richard Head]

:bigthumb::hysterical::hysterical:

[91notch]

lmao